Of the most common sayings, the one with the least versions, (virtually unchanging, haha) is the one about change. As we all know, it goes something like this:
There are three things that are certain in life: death, taxes and change. You can't avoid change, it's mandatory, progress however is optional.
If it makes sense, I would like to progress into becoming unchanging.
I don't know what it is about anger, but from my personal experience and from what I've observed, people who are really, truly slow to anger and are gracious even at the height of vexation are rare beings indeed. Needless to say, I envy them and mold my life in such a way as to mirror them.
But even with the best of intentions, I find myself failing again and again. To my credit, it's not all the time. And neither is it as frequent as it used to be. But every time I lose my temper and say or do things that end up hurtful to others, especially to the people I love, I feel like digging a hole in the ground. I feel... ashamed.
Today was no different from other days. Just moments ago, I was sharing a laugh. Within a few minutes, I was indignant and raising my voice! The carelessness of a certain someone was costing me precious time and I couldn't afford to be late!
I ended up hurting the one I love. In her eyes, I could see the question, "Don't you love me anymore? I'm really sorry!"
Yes, we've mended the fence, exchanged olive branches and buried the hatchet, so to speak. But still...
I have no excuses but, really, I just feel so unsettled, so on edge that I feel that I really can't wait until I've "naturally" learned to get a better hold of myself! I want to commit to a more significant and focused effort to becoming a calmer, more tranquil and more self-possessed person.
By writing on this blog, I am taking a bolder and braver step towards that goal.
Pray with me!
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)
To a never changing love that makes us better loving people!
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