Reflections In Bed, Thankfully

I've been ill for a number of weeks now but the past week really laid me low. I literally had to stay in bed for a week and that was no fun. Especially with my kids pleading that I get up and play with them and all I could manage was, "I'm sorry, darling, honey. Mom is sick. Mom is dizzy so Mom has to stay in bed." As is usual for kids that small, they really don't want to miss any opportunity to be with their parent so, as expected, they just played in my room as I slept, so they could stay near me.

 

So while I was in bed, I did some reflecting. Regretting, actually. Of what I should've done... and shouldn't have done. There is something about being sick that really makes you hit rock bottom and makes you feel like you are already standing at the very edge of a cliff.

 

And then those little voices--those sweet voices--would snap me out of such dark thoughts and demand, "Mom! Look at me! Am I pretty? Huh, huh? Am I pretty?" "Mom! Tell Auntie that we are missing! We're hiding. Find us! Peek-a-boo!" "Mom! No more sleeping! Smile! Picture, picture!" "Mom! Look! I'm dancing!" And so on and so forth. 

 

How could you not want to go on after all that? Day after day, they would faithfully climb up my bed and demand that I look at them, that I observe them, that I watch them. And day after day, I realize that it's not really all true that it is just us, parents, who teach our kids about life. There is much that we can learn from our little ones. About how wonderful it is to be needed. About how amazing it is to be alive. And about how precious the passing of every second is. (Oh, and about how adorable little high voices can be.)

 

So here I am typing my reflections in bed, thankfully.

When Discipline Is Love

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12:5-6)

There are many controversies nowadays about parenting styles. Parents who are serious about the welfare of their kids sometimes find themselves confused about how best to guide their little ones. A lot of questions pop up, like--

How do I teach my kids how to differentiate right from wrong?

How do I make my kids regret what they did wrong?

How do I make my kids understand why what they did was wrong?

How do I train my kids to choose to do what is right even when I am not there with them, even when no one is watching?

And so debates about the "Tiger Mom approach" and the "Buddy Mom approach" emerge.

Me? Neither of the two. Discipline is a must, yes. Otherwise, we cripple our kids for life. But how do I go about it?

1. I first teach them about my unconditional love.

Because kids need to know that they will be loved no matter what before they can be honest about their mistakes and shortcomings.

2. I make sure it's private.

The intent is to teach, not to humiliate and show-off my power as the almighty parent.

3. I show them my displeasure and/or my disappointment.

Face it, there is always displeasure when people do bad things. Kids value their parents' opinions of them above everyone else's. If we say that what they have done is bad but still go ahead and show them our happy and "I'm-so-proud-of-you" faces, doesn't that send mixed signals to them? 

4. I make them narrate the incident in their own words and make sure that their narrative is objective and accurate.

Disciplining kids is useless if you're not looking at it from the same vantage point.

5. I make them tell me what they did wrong.

Realization is impossible if our kids can't even identify what they did wrong. 

6. I make them tell me why what they did was wrong.

I try to make them realize the implications of what they did without either making a mountain out of a molehill, or trivializing a crucial act. Yes, parent-and-child talks should be comprehensive and relatable. But they should be balanced as well.

7. Unless it's a recurring problem, or something that could have had disastrous consequences to life and limb, I let them help decide what the punishment should be. 

They "help" in deciding. By making them participate in this decision process, they also, albeit inadvertently, help me gauge their understanding of the latitude and severity of their actions and/or inactions.

8. Corporal punishment? Yes. 

I only call it corporal because it's physical. One open-palm smack on their palms or on the buttocks is enough to make my kids weep. (I make sure that it's not painful. And I usually have to do this only once.) They never weep because it of the physical pain because there's hardly any in the first place. They weep because they had disappointed me to the point that I had to reinforce our talk with some physical token of discipline.

And oh, this has to be after #s 1 through 6.

Not all discipline is love. But as moms and dads, love is something we can never opt out whenever we discipline our kids. 

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Even Then

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5)

The Christian journey is a long and arduous one. The twists and turns often present melodious chords of immeasurable joy and wonder. But in almost the same heartbeat, they also yield a cacophony of doubts and grief. 

How so?

Because we still sin. We still fail. We still fall.

And so, we can't help but doubt our salvation, whenever we find ourselves foolishly and cruelly giving in to our age-old temptations, confusions and personal hurts. Only to find ourselves on our knees once again, clasping the pierced hands of our crucified Lord.

But why doubt our redemption in the first place? It is because of this: we forget, so quickly and so often, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

That is the depth of His amazing grace, for even then, He loved us. This is the hope we must live by--our hope that will never disappoint.

Abba God, whenever I stumble and fall, along with my repentant heart, grant me the reminder of Your amazing grace, of how You loved me even then. And with that, may I treat my life testimony even more preciously that it may, even more precisely, reflect Your love for me and for humanity. Amen.

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Take Another Step

When fury blinds you,

When agony is all that fills you,

Take another step...

God's promises, they will carry you.

When nothing makes sense,

When no arms stretch out, no hands clasp yours,

Take another step...

God's arms, they will never let you go.

When triumphs betray,

And even dreams become enemies,

Take another step...

Trust His bloodied love; He's in control!

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