Brave Humility

I yelled at them.

Now let me explain. Here's what happened. It was nap time. And any adult who's been left home alone with very small kids would agree: you can't let small kids be awake, with full access to the entire house without adult supervision. That's just asking for trouble. And trouble could range from the funny, to the embarrassing, to the enraging and onto the downright dangerous. If worse comes to worst, one moment of negligence could mean a little one's life.

Well, truth to tell, I wasn't really thinking too much on the doom and gloom scenario; I was just being careful. In every single moment that I am blessed to have "exclusive time" with my little ones, I always try to think positive so I can always speak positive and act positive. Positivity, I think, is a good demeanor to inculcate to kids.

But positivity should always give way to safety; wisdom and temperance in specific situations always ought to apply. Like nap time.

Dear Lord! I was so tired and they refused to sleep! After about three hours of them trying to "deceive" me, I had had it. I yelled at them.

And they cried.

I didn't mean to. It wasn't really yelling. I just raised my voice a little, in my frustration. And it wasn't even at them! It was more like an unintelligible "Ugh" that escaped my lips. But since this seldom happened, I guess they took it to mean that they had finally done something "bad" that had finally made Mom angry. And what an ogre that made me feel!

For kids that age, among their greatest fears are rejection and abandonment and I had to make snap decisions then and there. How do I bring home the lesson of obedience without undermining my teachings about unconditional love?

What I did? I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I looked them in the eyes and let them see my disappointment in them for like, 5 seconds? After which, I beckoned them near and asked them why they were crying. They then told me what they did wrong and why it was wrong. After one simple sorry from each of them, I gave them hugs and kisses and let them take a stab at napping again. And they slept.

It's been hours since that incident but I can't help reflecting on it. Motherhood, fatherhood, guardianship - regardless of what your relationship to your ward/s is - have two things in common, among others: for these to work, you need both courage and a lowly heart.

You need courage to take ownership of both your great misjudgments and little victories, courage to think on your feet when the situation warrants it and courage to apologize and make reparation for what you may have done wrong.

You also need lowliness of heart to recognize that you are not perfect and should, in turn, never demand perfection. You need lowliness of heart to be honest with yourself in evaluating the results of your "parenting" for the day. And last, but not the least, you need lowliness of heart before you can have a teachable heart before the greatest parent of all: Abba God Almighty.

Note to self: As a parent, I need to be brave. But I need to do so with humility :)
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