My Portion Forever

I was feeling a little down this morning because, hello, I've been suffering from the flu since Friday night. I refused to let it drag me down, so, armed with pure willpower, I got up two hours later than I was supposed to but still found the time to do a one-mile walk. 

Willpower alone doesn't work. Not really. 

But on I trudged and pushed and thrust ever forward. I had heard earlier that Mom wasn't feeling well and, normally, I found the distance between my house and hers a pleasant walk. But not today. It was long and arduous. But I kept telling myself every once in a while as I kept a smiling face firmly pasted on, "Life is about relationships. No money, no fame, no adulation in this world can replace these moments where you can truly say that you are 'labouring out of love' for the object of your affections." Mom was the object of my affection at that moment; it was a labor of love that only I and the Lord knew (and you) and I was determined to go through with it.

To cut the long story short, after comforting Mom, I proceeded to work and I found myself dragging my feet yet again. Here I was, sick in body and sick to the heart as well. Even at work, I had no respite to look forward to as I still had a sort-of-axe-to-grind with one of my office mates who desperately needed to learn respect.

In the fewest words possible, it is this: I was feeling down.

The Bible had these words to say to me this morning:

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall,

I will remember them, and my soul is downcast within me,

yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope;

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness,

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; 

therefore I will wait for him." (Lamentations 3:19-24)

Oh, how refreshing! How invigorating! It was like a tall, tall, tall glass of chilled water in the midst of a barren desert, after a whole day and night of wandering in it!

Why fret, AJ? The Lord is your portion! His love and compassion, unlike your affection and energy, AJ, don't run out! They are new every morning and they are free to all those who ask! Just ask!

I know all that self-talk looks a little weird in print and believe me, I seldom allow myself to do that. But this comes to mind: who among us has NOT felt out-of-sorts despite our best intentions? None, I'd dare wager. And for the best among us, we go through a lot of self-talk to encourage ourselves and employ so many different techniques just so we can motivate ourselves enough to keep on picking our feet up so we can move ever forward. All that is good. But what's even better? Before all that, during all that and even after all that, there is God.

There is God.

Just three words and yet, the significance of those words is enough to grip the universe into theological discussions, into scientific turmoils and on to spiritual pilgrimages. 

There is God. And my heart is glad.

My personal prayer:

Abba God,

There are so many reasons for us to keep on fighting when we are down. We have dreams, goals, causes and loved ones. Any of those, in one form or another, can be more than enough to make us pick up our feet and drag ourselves ever onward, ever forward.

But, Lord, even the strongest of human spirits has its failings. Even the staunchest of us sometimes stumble and fall. Whether we find ourselves looking to You before, during or after we've been pushed down, what matters is that we do. Ideally, we should always look to You first, but with our humanity ever before us, this has become, admittedly, a rarity rather than the rule. And yet, how cool is that "...Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness..." 

Thank you, Lord, for being our portion forever. In Jesus' name. Amen.