It's Not Too Much

It's been told to me often, as a child "There are no ropes the length of infinity." So, when later on, I became aware of the expression "I'm at the edge of my rope," it didn't sound so strange; it was but logical.

Knowing that, with people, affection in any form -- be it patience, understanding or love, is likened to a rope -- we all, from an early age, learn to live our lives in fear.

What to do? What to do? Why did I say that? Have I now finally overstayed my welcome?

Oh no! These are Mom's favorite plates! What if I lose her love from now on?

I did something wrong again... what if Dad finally stops loving me because of this?

While it is untrue that patience, understanding and love have decided ends, it is also untrue that they can be subjected to endless abuse and not be affected. Patience, understanding and love are treasures that ought to be cherished, and therefore, treated with care.

But what a relief that, with God, even the possibility of "being too much" for Him does not exist at all! There is no fault that is "too much" to be confessed, no wrong that is beyond repentance, and no sin that is beyond His ability to forgive. 

Lord, I will take care of our love because this is my most precious treasure. But, Lord, help me always remember, too, that I should never allow myself to drift away from You with such a flimsy excuse as "I/This might be too much."

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Brave Humility

I yelled at them.

Now let me explain. Here's what happened. It was nap time. And any adult who's been left home alone with very small kids would agree: you can't let small kids be awake, with full access to the entire house without adult supervision. That's just asking for trouble. And trouble could range from the funny, to the embarrassing, to the enraging and onto the downright dangerous. If worse comes to worst, one moment of negligence could mean a little one's life.

Well, truth to tell, I wasn't really thinking too much on the doom and gloom scenario; I was just being careful. In every single moment that I am blessed to have "exclusive time" with my little ones, I always try to think positive so I can always speak positive and act positive. Positivity, I think, is a good demeanor to inculcate to kids.

But positivity should always give way to safety; wisdom and temperance in specific situations always ought to apply. Like nap time.

Dear Lord! I was so tired and they refused to sleep! After about three hours of them trying to "deceive" me, I had had it. I yelled at them.

And they cried.

I didn't mean to. It wasn't really yelling. I just raised my voice a little, in my frustration. And it wasn't even at them! It was more like an unintelligible "Ugh" that escaped my lips. But since this seldom happened, I guess they took it to mean that they had finally done something "bad" that had finally made Mom angry. And what an ogre that made me feel!

For kids that age, among their greatest fears are rejection and abandonment and I had to make snap decisions then and there. How do I bring home the lesson of obedience without undermining my teachings about unconditional love?

What I did? I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I looked them in the eyes and let them see my disappointment in them for like, 5 seconds? After which, I beckoned them near and asked them why they were crying. They then told me what they did wrong and why it was wrong. After one simple sorry from each of them, I gave them hugs and kisses and let them take a stab at napping again. And they slept.

It's been hours since that incident but I can't help reflecting on it. Motherhood, fatherhood, guardianship - regardless of what your relationship to your ward/s is - have two things in common, among others: for these to work, you need both courage and a lowly heart.

You need courage to take ownership of both your great misjudgments and little victories, courage to think on your feet when the situation warrants it and courage to apologize and make reparation for what you may have done wrong.

You also need lowliness of heart to recognize that you are not perfect and should, in turn, never demand perfection. You need lowliness of heart to be honest with yourself in evaluating the results of your "parenting" for the day. And last, but not the least, you need lowliness of heart before you can have a teachable heart before the greatest parent of all: Abba God Almighty.

Note to self: As a parent, I need to be brave. But I need to do so with humility :)
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The Profoundness of the Simple

The air conditioning unit is a-whirling again and the air is too cold for me without my trusty old coat. It's actually itchier to wear now, but I'm not even sure if this is a fact, or just a figment of my all-too-gullible imagination. You know how it is, just because it isn't the stuff you'd have washed after every use, you imagine it being dirtier and more uncomfortable than how it really is.

Or not.

Funny how profound a little coat can be. It's your armor against the chills, yes. But it can also stand for a gazillion other things. It can stand for the arms of your mother who labored good and hard to buy you that coat. It can stand for the hands of a man who is always there for you, who'll always be there anticipating your every need, whether you need his help or not. It can stand for the pleasure of being singled out by someone you trust and respect so much that you feel like you were in Cloud Nine just to have him looking your way, or telling you, "Have a good day!"

It can also stand for the hand of our God. How simple.

He is like a coat, isn't He? Not the maybe-itchy part, but the being simple and profound part. He really is so simple. Look at it as a child does. 

"Who is God, for you, honey?" 

"Mom, He's someone who listens to me when I pray and I can tell Him everything."

"Well, Dad, I think God - He's someone who can do really cool stuff, like those miracles in the Bible with those den of lions with Daniel, those flames with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and don't forget about those Moses-stuff! His staff was seriously cool."

"God? Why, He's Jesus! And He loves me, the Bible tells me so! Isn't that what the song says, Mommy?"

When did we stop being kids? When did we start thinking that knowing God always had to be cluttered with theological statements and apologetics? God can be found there, too, sure! But He doesn't have to be so difficult to find all the time, either.

He can be found by simple faith. And that's what makes Him so profound.

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It's All About You

Heart of Worship

by Michael W. Smith

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You, 
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You, 
It's all about You, Jesus

I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

The more experiences we've had to go through, the more often we find ourselves saying, "Now I know better," or, "I'm getting better now."

So we find ourselves thirsting for more knowledge, hungering for more wisdom and yearning for more exposure and hands-on experiences. We begin to develop formulas, techniques and methodologies that make everything come together more efficiently.

But then, we begin to wonder, "What's wrong with me? I know better now, but why do I miss the times when I had to play everything by ear and tons of bravado? Why do I feel as if I am emptying inside?

You know why you are feeling what you are feeling right now? Maybe because you are. Slowly emptying inside, I mean.

More than all the knowledge and wisdom that this world can offer (and that's all good, by the way), in no way, shape or form must we forget what it's all about, who it's all about: it's all about JESUS.

It's all about You, Lord. Let everything that I do be an act of worship that pleases You. Connect me to Your heart in every thought, in every dream and every prayer. Connect every undertaking that these hands and feet offer in Your Name to Your Spirit. Connect me to You, Lord.

Because, really, it's all about YOU.

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The Mystery

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our holiness and redemption. (1 Corinthians 1:30)

We've all tried it and failed. We've all tried to do better but to no avail.

It seemed so much simpler as kids. All we had to do "to be good" was to put our toys away, be polite, eat our greens and just... pretty much do as we were told.

As we got older, "being good" was no longer as simple. We learned about the existence of possibilities and the power of choice. And there were a lot of distractions, too! With many of these diversions sometimes seeming infinitely more satisfying than what we were told was in the narrow and straight.

And then the blows come. Suddenly, we realize that the people we looked up to weren't really sole fountains of knowledge and wisdom all along. And to top it off, we suddenly discover that there really could never be anyone who was a model of perfection; man was never made to be infallible.

But deep inside, there is that yearning to be good. We try so hard but, by our own strength, we find we can't.

And then we "meet" the Lord.

And that is where the mystery begins...

Is it some kind of magic? No, of course not. We don't suddenly grow halos and angel's wings but it is still mysterious, is it not? What we could not do by our own strength, slowly, ever slowly, becomes a possibility, then a probability, and finally, a reality.

That is the mystery of Christ's redemption. There is no science or formula or logic to it. But it accomplishes what should have been impossible: a better Me. A "Me" that is slowly learning to value the wonder of life, the beauty of little things and the sanctity of relationships. A "Me" that has slowly turned into a person that pauses at the face of temptation and clutches at God's hands to help him/her through it. A "Me" that has slowly appreciated the profoundness of a handshake and the lasting wonder of a child's toothless smile.

It's a mystery that, in becoming a better "Me," all that really had to be done was to abandon my everything to Him. It's hard and with every test and failure, it's like dying every now and then but Lord! Oh, Lord! It's so worth it!

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My First Love

BEFORE:

I remember my first love. Someone mentions his name and my heart is suddenly all a-flutter. Actually, it doesn't really have to be his name, all the time, but at any time a name that sounds like his. I did not have 20/20 vision but no matter how dim the lighting, I knew his silhouette. I even knew the very sound of his footsteps.

I remember the first time I saw my newborn child. To my eyes, its red and wrinkly skin was the most beautiful sight to me, more wonderful than all my collections of sketches, artworks and paintings. To my eyes, no other child could be as beautiful, no other child could be as enchanting, no other child could be as angelic as my little cherub. I could sit for hours doing nothing but stare at her.

I remember the first time I "met" God. The very memory of all the wrongs I ever did brought me to tears. Any reminder of all He had to do to redeem me brought me to tears. Even considering to compromise brought me to tears! When I first met God, I cried a lot. But those tears were liberating.

TODAY:

With my love -- What words come out of my mouth the moment the man I love comes striding in that door? Do I even think before I speak? When was the last time I looked at him with adoration, the last time he heard me say I honestly admired him for loving me and for caring for our little family? The last time I hugged him from behind while his attention was locked on the dishes, on his carpentry or on house repairs? When was the last time I said, "I love you, Dear."

With my child -- When was the last time I held her, tickled her and played with her? When was the last time I dropped everything that I may gaze at her and thank God for the wonder of her life? When was the last time she felt that I was, indeed, her mother? When was the last time I told her, "Now don't worry about me. Do your best and do your thing. No matter what happens, I'm your number one fan, Honey!"

With my God -- Does my mind yearn as much to be fed with His word? Does my heart long for His presence still? Are my hands and feet restless to go, to give and to serve in His name? Or have I now become content knowing that I am saved? The service that I have served Him with, are they passionately ongoing... or are they now just memories of the past? When was the last time my soul sang to Him, "Lord, I want to know You more. Deep within my soul I want to know You. Lord, I want to know You more." 

Lord, bring me back to my first love. Let me gaze into the eyes of my love with sweet sincerity once more. Let my feet seek my child and my hands, once more, secure her with my warmth. Let my soul, once more, be overwhelmed with thirst for You, oh Lord, and be filled.

Come In, Lord. Come In.

The Sermon on the Mount was always a set that left me astounded as a child. The first time Dad attempted to drill that into me, I wasn't even a grade schooler yet - I was about three or four years old? By then, I had already memorized Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 by heart and "The Ten Commandments" of course. As far as I was concerned, they were just poetic mumbo-jumbo that I needed to be able to recite at a moment's notice if I didn't want a long telling-to from the pillar of the family.

As I grew older and began to understand, how I looked at the Sermon on the Mount changed. In grade school, it became an ideal set of standards that I must achieve if I ever want a "Well done, my good and faithful servant" from my Lord. But I didn't have a personal relationship with God yet, back then.

In high school, I was beginning to become a bit more realistic. For me, the Sermon on the Mount was a standard that kids like me could look up to, but not necessarily achieve. But, for those in positions of authority? You can't not have achieved them. Otherwise, you should leave the seat of power that has been entrusted to you. But as the years melted away, I began to see that even that was unrealistic by itself.

So in college? I left that possibility with men and women of God - pastors, ministers and priests. Surely, they would be able to meet the standards set by the Sermon on the Mount! I opened my heart to God in college, only to realize later on that even so-called men and women of God fall prey to apathy, mediocrity, corruption and greed.

And today? I'd like to believe that I've grown up, even just a little bit. And, I've realized this - I was never entirely right, but I was never entirely wrong either. Yes, the Sermon on the Mount is indeed a set of standards. Yes, it is something that should be aspired by young and old alike. And yes, of all the people on this earth, people of authority and men and women of the church should be role models on how the Sermon on the Mount should be lived. But, we have to start from the beginning; it needs to start with God.

It needs to start with God.

We, of course, need to start with the right understanding. The Sermon on the Mount is meant to look impossible because they are impossible by just our own strength. They were meant that way that we may understand that what this world needs are men and women  -

• who understand that they are poor before a limitless God,
• who understand that they have never really understood comfort outside the arms of He who gave His life for us,
• who understand that no matter how good the world says they are, what they are and what they are capable of is nothing when set against eternity,
• who understand that righteousness is something that their very soul must yearn for before they can be filled with it,
• who understand that mercy is not something deserved but something given out,
• who understand that pureness of heart, like that of a child, is not something to be ridiculed, but to be admired,
• who understand that seeking peace and fighting for it are equally hard and equally necessary,
• who understand that persecution in the name of what is right is the highest form of accolade, higher than any medal, trophy or crown this world can bestow.

So, come in, Lord... Come in. It needs to start with You.

No, I Won't

How many times is it have we said - I won't. I shan't. I will not. NO. And end up remorsefully whispering, I'm so sorry... If only I'd known...

Enough articles, songs and movie clips abound about appreciation. How we must learn never to take the people around us for granted. How death, being the great equalizer to the old and young, to the rich and poor, to the educated and not, to the healthy and sick, to the oppressor and oppressed, comes when our hearts least expect it. And then when it does come, that is the end of the line. Efforts to resuscitate broken relationships, to heal broken rifts, to establish broken dreams would then be futile. The dead see not, hear not or feel not. 

But there is Someone whom we take for granted more than anything and everyone: He is Jesus. Is it because we know He won't ever die again, our Eternal God? Is it because we know He won't ever refuse us forgiveness whenever we fall on our knees and beg for His mercy? Is it because we know that He is just and that grace will never be withheld from us regardless of how we walk this Christian pilgrimage, to the sanctuary of His many mansions?

Rather than look at an Eternal God, why not look at the wounds of His feet, how those feet took form in a manger as a flesh and blood child that hungered, thirsted and hurt only to grow to wander without a home and be pierced on a cross? Rather than look at a Forgiving God, why not look at the hurt in His holy eyes as we sin again and again with a soul whose healing only requires we truly surrender to His rule? Rather than look at a Just God, why not look at a God whose mercy required no one, not even humanity, but chose to save it even as it knew the hurt and unbelief and anger that it would undeservedly receive... whose magnificence required the eternal attendance of angels but chose to be robed with suffering... whose holiness is beyond words but chose to be a curse for us?

The next time God whispers in our ears, let the ember in our hearts surrender. Don't let it gaze at His holiness, His loveliness and His magnificence and say, No, I won't. Instead...

Lord, I shall. 

The Miracle

People who are humble and gracious and kind and good - they are so rare that the moment we meet someone who is genuinely so, regardless of what our ideologies or advocacies may be, we find ourselves transfixed. There's a word for people like that in the English language: self-effacing.

Looking back, self-effacing is a product of one of three things, or a combination of any of these three: nature, nurture and self-will.

In short, the odds of being self-effacing is just as random as any other trait can be. But the weird thing about this? It's something that is expected to be "natural" among Christians.

I was reading on 1 Corinthians 2:5 a while ago and it struck me at how self-effacing Paul was. Of all the apostles, when it comes to eloquence and theological training, he stood out. And yet, he was able to boldly declare that he used none of those to win people over to God. Everything he did was "purely" on the "power of the Spirit."

There's this prayer that I used to pray often when I was still new in the faith. It was just a two-word prayer that I repeated like a mantra whenever I was "forcibly" assigned to lead an endeavor, stand as a speaker or anything else of that caliber: "ERASE ME."

Erase me.

Over the years, I guess that prayer got worn out and I maybe thought there was a better way of praying. But now, looking back, that prayer seems perfect to me. If, like Da Vinci's painting of a chalice at the scene of "The Last Supper," it seems that I am shining brighter than I should be, drawing attention unto me, then dim me, Lord. Erase me if You must. So that all eyes may be drawn unto You alone.

Badge of Pride

On retrospect, how laughable our passions were as children! How demented we seemed, how foolish to carry our hearts on our sleeves, only to have our passions stricken down for "being misplaced" zeal. Remember how our parents would shout after us, "if you poured that same passion for your studies...!" And remember all those mishaps and embarrassments that we got into? Oh, the horror!

But isn't there something that we are missing here? Not everything about those experiences were really all that bad. The choices were ill-informed, to be sure, or even when we were well-informed, we let our being young rule over our heads. But,as adults, we have seemed to equate "becoming sensible" to being passionless as well! There was nothing wrong with the passion back then and there really isn't anything wrong with carrying that same exuberant zeal today! The difference? Let us just choose well what we ought to be passionate about.

How long has it been since I'd worn Jesus as my badge of pride? With that same foolish zeal that I had for Bioman's Peebo and for Sesame Street's Snuffleupagus? How long has it been since my soul had shouted "I just don't care what they say! I'm doing this!" when it came to work that bore the crest of His blood? 

Dear Lord, let my passion for you be that of a child once again, with that same courage and absorption and wholeheartedness. Be, once again, my badge of pride.

Waking up early in a cool dawn

Kneeling and praying to You alone

Worshiping You before Your throne
Seeking Your face 'til in Your presence be drawn

Just to please You is my desire

To offer an aroma of praise You inspire

And though there are times I'm unfaithful to You

Oh Lord remember that I love You

Still my desire is to please You

Lord, I live to serve You
And I'll give You the best in everything I do
Make my whole life obedient and true
Holy and acceptable offering to You

Just to please You is my desire

To offer an aroma of praise You inspire

And though there are times I'm unfaithful to You

Oh Lord remember that I love You

Still my desire is to please You

I'm not so sure but this is an old song by Ms. Joni Villanueva way back when. What is important for me, for now, is that I offer an aroma of praise to my Lord today!

Awaken, Steadfast Heart!

There will always be excuses for everything. Regardless of whether or not those excuses actually mean something, or if they are just excuses for the sake of excuses, is irrelevant. The moment we allow ourselves to dwell on them, that's the very moment that we set ourselves along a path that goes ever farther from God's set path of peace, contentment and joy.

It's the same thing with Quiet Time. True. Our circumstances change and responsibilities loom ever bigger as we age and start our families. True. We need to love God more but we also should be able to minister to our loved ones, to our work and to our church in such a way that God's name will not be trampled by nay-sayers. 

But isn't it also true that once we allow one of these to be reasons to completely stop trying we find ourselves no longer as connected with God and His chosen people?

I dunno about you, but this is true about me. The excuses have been valid enough. My situation in life had changed and, at first, I struggled over the changes. Eventually, I found myself resigned to everything and no longer struggling. With the absence of that struggle, I also, to my deep regret, found myself farther and farther from the peace, contentment and joy primary connection with the Lord and with His people bring.

I miss that struggle. 

Lord, like the Bible verse I just read today, I don't want any excuses anymore. I want to go back to greeting the dawn with Your presence in my life.

My heart is steadfast, O God,

my heart is steadfast;

I will sing and make music.

Awake, my soul!

Awake, harp and lyre!

I will awaken the dawn.

Psalm 57:7-8

My Melody

Alone but surrounded. Oh! How enveloped I am in His embrace! The melody of His grace seeps through to my soul and I find myself wanting to stay where I am, evermore.

How long has it been since the steady hum of everydays had ceased to bother me and disappeared into the background? How long has it been since the scurrying to and fro of people and events had ceased to pound on my poor heart and blurred my vision? How long has it been since my spirit had felt itself alone in His presence, confessing nothing, thanking nothing, requesting nothing but just... there, enjoying Him?

My melody. More than the notes that comprise any song, Lord, let my melody be Your presence.
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TryOut

This is just a tryout. I'm actually just trying to see if it is indeed possible to update my blog here at blogspot by just carrying around my BlackBerry.

So this is a test. I repeat this is a test (Sorry, couldn't resist typing that in. What fun!)

And wouldn't it be so much more fun if this actually worked?!

Fingers crossed!
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I Want My Nevertheless

Defying the odds. Against the wind. Counter-current.

I want those in my life. There are so many parts of me that I know I have difficulty surrendering completely. Where, I must confess, the enemy still has strongholds over me. But the Bible is replete of stories where the impossible became possible. Like - 

Rahab: Lived a prostitute, nevertheless became a forbear of King David
King David: Born a shepherd, nevertheless became a great king
Peter: Raised a fisherman, nevertheless became an apostle to the Jews
Paul: Trained an enemy of Jesus' disciples, nevertheless became the apostle to the Gentiles

I want my nevertheless. I want to defy the odds, to go against the wind, to brave the current and emerge victorious in the arms of Him who has loved me all this time. But as ideal and as inspirational that may all sound, it's not as easy as breathing or as natural as typing words on the computer screen.

Emerging out of the mires of one's making is torturous and agonizing. It demands many tears and countless heartaches. But like the climb up a mountain, the view will be worth it.

Defying the odds, against the wind, counter-current... The list is long and old, with a lot of new entries. There have been items crossed out, by Your grace, over the years but there are also those entries where the ink is still wet from newness. Lord, I want my nevertheless. Be with me today and on the days to come. Thank You, Lord.

Embrace It

It's a commonality, really. Almost all the adventure films and melodramas worth their salt have this as a theme for their protagonists. The protagonist is someone who is talented and capable of many things but because of many things that happened, either of his doing or a fruit of other people's connivance, he is disheartened and completely hopeless. And he finds that he is totally okay with that hopelessness. 

Until changes come: changes that leave his world spinning out-of-control! The more he fights it, the worse everything gets. And whenever he makes tokens of effort, everybody else disses him for his worthlessness. 

Until he embraces it.

It - being so many things: his past and future mistakes, his talents and capabilities, people's trust and mistrust of his person and his character, his track record and his abilities, and last but not the least, all the changes that have been happening around him. 

There are a lot of changes happening around me right now and I find that there are times when I feel quite overwhelmed. I'm certainly not a protagonist in a television series or a hit movie for the Cannes Festival. But I am the main actor of my own life and I've found that in those moments when I feel overwhelmed, I need to just... EMBRACE IT. 

Embrace it.

That's not so easy to do. A lot of my past mistakes come to haunt me, many times choosing to do so at the most crucial moments. My feelings of inadequacy constantly rob me of the confidence to lead and to take charge but there is work that needs to be done and there is no way that just one person can accomplish everything that needs accomplishing.

Embrace it.

But I'm embracing it not as William Ernest Henley's "Invictus" but as Dorothea Day saw it. Our religious beliefs aside, I like her "Captain" better.

Here's Henley's Invictus:

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole, 

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Contrast it with Day's Captain:

Out of the night that dazzles me,

Bright as the sun from pole to pole,

I thank the God I know to be

For Christ the conqueror of my soul.

Since His sway of circumstance,

I would not wince nor cry aloud.

Under that rule which men call chance

My head with joy is humbly bowed.

Beyond this place of sin and tears

That life with Him! And His the aid,

Despite the menace of the years,

Keeps, and shall keep me, unafraid.

I have no fear, though strait the gate,

He cleared from punishment the scroll.

Christ is the Master of my fate,

Christ is the Captain of my soul.

Embracing it all? I can't, with just me. But with Christ... YES.

The Right Perspective

Take it from an ant's perspective. And draw comfort from that.

I'm actually talking to myself there. Whenever I feel that everything around me isn't making sense anymore, this is what I tell myself, "Take it from an ant's perspective."

Let me explain the context a little more, so you'll get it. Imagine yourself as a tiny ant, among hundreds of ants, in a terrarium, in the care of the most devoted and loyal scientist, whose number one priority is keeping you and your 'people' safe and happy and healthy. In his eyes, we're tiny, with tiny concerns and short lives. But each moment is precious, nonetheless. Because we interact with our scientist from time-to-time, he would appear to be immortal to us. The first batch of us ants - our ancestors, knew him, and then, without any discernible aging on his part, our children get to know him, then our children's children and so on and so forth. What 60 or 70 years is to him, is like 90 days is to us. Or sooner than that, if any of us meet any unfortunate accidents. But us ants would trust him, knowing how constant he is in our lives.

Back to reality. 

The scenario is both true and not-so-true. True because that is really how it would look to tiny beings whose lifespans are so much shorter than their caretaker who is both  big, intelligent and so much older. Not-so-true, because, well, we all know that humans aren't really immortal. We just seem that way, to them.

But God isn't someone who "just seems that way." He really is immortal! All of us can trace our origin to someone. Everything around us can trace their origin to something. But God? Not even He made Himself!

And He loves me with an everlasting love. How mind-boggling! It's no wonder that the Good Book has this to say of Him, "What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?"

Why indeed? He doesn't need us. But we need Him. And that was enough reason for Him to love us with the most sacrificial of loves. Knowing this, how can I not trust my God!

Just the time I feel

that I've been caught

in the mire of self.

Just the time I feel

my mind's been bought

by worldly wealth.

That's when the breeze begins

to blow, I know

the Spirit's Call.

And all my worldly wanderings

just melt into His Love.

Oh, I want to know You more!

Deep within my soul I want to know You,

Oh, I want to know You.

To feel Your Heart  and know Your Mind,

looking in Your eyes stirs up within me,

cries that says I want to know You

Oh, I want to Know You more.

Oh, I want to know You more.

When my daily deeds

ordinarily lose life and song,

my heart begins to bleed,

sensitivity to Him is gone.

I've run the race but set my own pace

and face a shattered soul,

Now the Gentle Arms to Jesus

warm my hunger to be whole.

And Oh, I want to know You more!

Deep within my soul I want to know You,

Oh, I want to know You.

And I would give my final breath

to know You in Your Death and Resurrection,

Oh, I want to know You more...

Oh, I want to know You more...

Oh, I want to know You more...

The Unwelcome Robber

Enough is enough! 

Shouldn't that be our battle cry against anger?

Enough is enough!

Haven't you taken enough from me? Because of you, I have been robbed of the peace I have come to expect from my friend. You took hold of me last time and made me say words I do not mean anymore and now, I'm not even sure if we're still even friends.

 Enough is enough!

Haven't you taken enough from me? Because of you, I no longer rush home to be with my spouse and kids. What you made me do last time was over the board and now my kids fear me and my spouse is disappointed in me.

Enough is enough!

Haven't you taken enough from me? Because of you, my testimony at work has been shot to pieces! After being so painstaking in my Christian testimony with them this entire time, with just one flick of your fingers, they now look at me askance, with amused, if not disillusioned, eyes. 

Enough is enough!

How can I stand as a leader in my church now! I can't think because my heart is so heavy! I need to get rid of you or else not only will I not able to lead with moral authority anymore, what's more, you could rob me of my joy in my Lord!

Lord, I've had enough. Remind me of your words today - 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith

(Galatians 5:22, King James Bible)

Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and should not get angry easily. An angry person doesn't do what God approves of.
(James 1:19-20, God's WORD Translation)

Anger, you unwelcome robber, get out! And by God's grace, stay out.

Prayer Power

Prayer is such an amazing thing. It's so easy to do that it's so easily taken for granted. And yet it is both powerful and frightening to man and the supernatural alike. 

But then, having a set time for prayer and study of God's Word is also self-deceiving, in a way. 

Yes, it should be everybody's goal to have a time set for these two but to many of us who have always been able to "achieve" this goal, the heart is sometimes led astray by feelings of accomplishment that makes one complacent about decisions, thoughts, words and actions that affect the testimony of our Christ-like character. Also, one tends to feel that "I've already done my duty for the day" and so closes one's spiritual ears, so to speak, from continuous communion with the Lord in the spirit. For many of us, we've also noticed that, during these times, we seldom free our spirits to really listen but just go on and "pray" (more like talk God's ears off) and "prayerfully" (reflectively, really) understand the Scriptures or whatever supplementary reading we may have at hand.

Prayer is so much more than all these. Prayer is like the exclusive time a parent has with his/her child where he/she is all-ears to what that child has to say and tries to impart as much peace, support and life lessons that the time and place allows. In prayer, we are that child, unburdening ourselves of our fears and updating our parent about all our activities. Even so, like any other child who truly adores and respects his/her parent, we should, all this time, gaze at our parent's loving face and take times to pause and listen to what he/she has to say.

Analogies aside, prayer is a two-way street where the heart is not rushed but is just full of the moment. 

Have I really prayed like that? I've asked this of myself many times. There are times when I can give a definite yes. But most of the time, I really have to honestly admit, are iffy, if not a definite no. Facing such truths about ourselves should be a frequent thing to ensure that we keep ourselves in the right track when it comes to our spiritual lives. Frequent evaluation of the quality of our "prayer lives" ensures that we don't miss out on the most beautiful thing about prayer. Not the power or the fear that that power inspires. But the privilege and wonder of being in God's presence. 

It's an awesome thing, if we really take the time to allow ourselves to ruminate on this. Wow! I can be in the presence of the Most Holy God! The Creator of all things and beings and heavenly bodies! I need not look for perfect sheep and shed blood just to be in the presence of such a God. I need only sacrifice my preoccupation with me. 

I need only sacrifice my preoccupation with me. After all is done, that is what it all boils down to, doesn't it? 

Prayer Power. The power of prayer is in the act itself. Let us pause, pray and enjoy God's wonderful presence!

Good day, everyone!

Never Changing Love

Technically, I'm better off writing the title of today's entry as "Unchanging Love" but I really like the word "Never," so there.

Of the most common sayings, the one with the least versions, (virtually unchanging, haha) is the one about change. As we all know, it goes something like this:

There are three things that are certain in life: death, taxes and change. You can't avoid change, it's mandatory, progress however is optional.

If it makes sense, I would like to progress into becoming unchanging.

I don't know what it is about anger, but from my personal experience and from what I've observed, people who are really, truly slow to anger and are gracious even at the height of vexation are rare beings indeed. Needless to say, I envy them and mold my life in such a way as to mirror them. 

But even with the best of intentions, I find myself failing again and again. To my credit, it's not all the time. And neither is it as frequent as it used to be. But every time I lose my temper and say or do things that end up hurtful to others, especially to the people I love, I feel like digging a hole in the ground. I feel... ashamed.

Today was no different from other days. Just moments ago, I was sharing a laugh. Within a few minutes, I was indignant and raising my voice! The carelessness of a certain someone was costing me precious time and I couldn't afford to be late!

I ended up hurting the one I love. In her eyes, I could see the question, "Don't you love me anymore? I'm really sorry!"

Yes, we've mended the fence, exchanged olive branches and buried the hatchet, so to speak. But still...

I have no excuses but, really, I just feel so unsettled, so on edge that I feel that I really can't wait until I've "naturally" learned to get a better hold of myself! I want to commit to a more significant and focused effort to becoming a calmer, more tranquil and more self-possessed person. 

By writing on this blog, I am taking a bolder and braver step towards that goal. 

Pray with me! 

New Living Translation

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

To a never changing love that makes us better loving people!