Never Again Compliant

Among the enemies that all peoples of this world have in common, there is one that is familiar to everyone, regardless of race, culture, educational attainment, achievements, gender, and yes, age. So much so that even a newborn baby recognizes it.

That enemy is FEAR.

A baby fears hunger, the cold, the heat, pain, the loss of its mother and the unknown. And as we grow older, we learn of new things and new people to fear. As children, we learn to fear strangers, to fear punishments and to fear failure. As teenagers, we learn to fear unpopularity, physical imperfections and rejection from the one we admire. And from there, the list becomes too long to manage as many of our fears from infancy recur in different forms, in addition to the new fears that we crash into along the way.

What is there to fear of Fear? It stunts you, paralyzes and can even kill you! Not just your life, but there are deaths more painful than the loss of life - 

• Death of innovation
• Death of initiative 
• Death of creativity
• Death of passion
• Death of hope
• Death of faith 
• And death of the ability to love

The list goes on and on and on.

I witnessed that fear firsthand yesterday, as I was traveling to and fro different destination points. I was with a precocious and ever-loving three-year-old girl whom everyone in the family knew to suffer from motion sickness. At first her confidence in her self made us laugh as she claimed that it wouldn't be her who would get sick but her older cousin of 13, who was traveling with us. But within 15 minutes of our 90-minute journey, her courage began to leave her. By the time we had hit the one-hour mark, she was so pale and scared that she was giving us only two options: to walk back home or to walk to our destination. The only problem was there was still miles and miles to go and, even if we had wanted to, her little feet wouldn't have been able to keep up with us. (We couldn't have carried her that far, either. Walking for miles along the highway isn't such a great idea.)

I had to carry her bodily into the passenger's seat. She was yelling in fright - she was that scared. 

Needless to say, on the way back, even the sight of any vehicle with four wheels was enough to make her cry and the moment we got on, even before we were able to get the motor running, she was retching badly.

Long story short, she kept on losing it until really late that night. Her fear was so severe that she was refusing to freshen up for bed as she was afraid of losing it while she slept. After hours upon hours of trying to convince her, we were met with failure after stubborn failure. 

By the time she was already quite miserable, she allowed herself to be persuaded to drink our time-and-tested antidote for motion sickness (This has worked for our clan over several generations as motion sickness is a common hereditary trait among most females on my mother's side. I am not guaranteeing it will work with you; you might want to consult a medical practitioner first.): hot water with organic raw honey.

Needless to say, she stopped turning green within five minutes. Only then did she consent to cleaning up for a much-needed rest.

Fear as seen through the eyes of a child has us adults feeling one-of or a mixture-of the following emotions: compassion, pity, amusement, anger, exasperation, frustration and to some, even humor. Many of us would even smirk and say, "Hah! Just wait until you grow up, little girl, and you will know what Fear is really like."

Do we really have the right to be so-high-and-mighty? I don't think so. Right or wrong, logical or not, fear is a very real thing to the person grappled by it. And that person could be me. Or you.

What then can we do about it? As onlookers, or better yet, as friends and loved ones, we can stop doing the following:

• ridiculing
• mocking
• belittling
• patronizing

Although I firmly believe that, in most instances, we should not agree to "ride in" with the enormity of that person's fear, we should also do our utmost to genuinely care for the person and to letting that person know how much his/her well-being means to us.

As the person himself/herself frozen by fear? Well, there are many techniques offered by books, psychologists and the wise-man-at-the-corner. There's visualization, rationalization and even medication, among many.

But to me? Whether or not it is I or another person suffering from it, I find that the best answer is always this: GOD EXISTS.

They say that Happiness is such a nice fellow that when Fear asks it to leave, it conforms. And that is, they say, the reason why happiness cannot truly exist alongside fear. My happiness is not contingent upon what my hormones dictate, upon how much money I have in my wallet or upon the success or failure of whatever task/s I have at hand. My happiness comes from "the peace that surpasses all understanding." That peace comes from He who will never comply to the demands of fear: God.

My God exists. What a wonderful truth to bear in mind! 

"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, 

Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13)

"What,then, shall we say in response to these things? 

If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

The God who created this universe that is comprised of galaxies that are beyond man's ability to number is the same God who keeps me in His loving arms. He did not withhold the blood of His Only Begotten Son to pay the price for my sin; does it stand to reason that He would withhold His help against this fear?

It does not. 

God exists. I will never again be compliant to Fear.

Stay On It

Still another day. And still another battle with myself to "up and at 'em." I'm back to relying on edibles to keep my energy high enough without spilling over to palpitations. For now, both my energy and immune system have been relying on three food staples: fruit snacks, green tea and cayenne-honey-water drinks. For someone who belongs to an environment where these are not only NOT commonplace but usually excluded from one's every-day-life, it's really quite the effort on my part to justify the added expense.

I know. I know. I know. For you guys, these are nothing and you're wondering why it's such a big deal. But considering the fact that I try to make do with a shoestring budget, making those three items daily staples is really pushing the limits and I really, honestly find myself arguing with myself all the time! Wahahahahahaha! Myself arguing with myself! Funny but true.

Anyhoo, I am happy to report that I can still function somehow even if I've had no sleep (at all) last night. I am also happy to report that I am still on the mend (instead of getting worse) despite the fact that the amount of sleep I've been having keeps getting significantly smaller every single day.

Now if I can only talk about zits with the same opening words, "I am happy to report..." Unfortunately, that may take a little while more to happen as I am planning to change brands (yet again) despite my skin already on the brink of finishing its purging phase regarding the skincare products that I am currently using. It's just that, no matter how much I tell myself that I'm okay with traveling to the next, next, next town just to buy them, I find that I really, really, really want to switch to products that are available any time of the day on my way to or from the office. 

But, who knows right?!

All that aside, let's talk about something a wee bit more serious: about staying on course.

STAY ON IT.

That certainly is a very easy thing to say. I recall when I was a teenager and a very new Christian. It was so easy for me (compared to today) to stand in front and preach about "staying on course." It was so easy to declare with conviction that, if we really want to, we can commit to "keeping our eyes on Jesus" for the rest of our lives.

Now I know better. No matter how hard a young person thinks she's/he's had it (and I had my share of shocking hardships back then), keeping the passion and commitment firmly in place still gets more and more challenging as the years go by. Life is, indeed the best teacher in that it, with its persistence, chips away at our arrogance (in whatever form and degree that may be) until we've learned to look kindly at any and all difficulties and differences we may come across.

For now, allow me to still arrogantly declare: "Stay on it!" Philippians 3:13-14 is not an impossibility, just quite a challenge. Why isn't it impossible? Because we won't ever have to walk alone.

So....

Stay on it!

Find Us Faithful

What sanctified ground I am in right now! Behind me are more than 60 pastors rehearsing the song "Find Us Faithful" by Steve Green. And I can't help but reminisce about the past, when almost 20 years ago, I found God. I'd finally found God.

To those who are already familiar with the lyrics, humor me a little and let me share the lyrics to those who might not have heard of it just yet. It goes something like this:

We're pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road

And those who've gone before us line the way

Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary

Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses

Let us run the race not only for the prize

But as those who've gone before us, 

let us leave to those behind us

The heritage of faithfulness

passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

May the fire of our devotion light their way

May the footprints that we leave, lead them to believe

And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone

And our children sift through all we've left behind

May the clues that they discover

and the memories they uncover

Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

May the fire of our devotion light their way

May the footprints that we leave, lead them to believe

And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

It was a crusade that I had been invited to by a Chinese-Australian missionary named Ngy Te (English name: Cindy) and I had decided to just give it a stab for courtesy's sake. She had been persistently following me around all week at all hours of the day and preaching about her "Wonderful Savior Jesus Christ" and "Won't you please just drop in and give it a chance... give God a chance?"

So I did. And as I sat there, I found myself praying with all the earnestness that my wearied heart could muster. "Lord, if it is really you..." And my heart was indeed weary as I was beleaguered by the aftermath of participating in a Satanic cult. That night, a couple of miracles after, that was the day I asked the Lord into my heart. 

And then I served the Lord with all the zeal of my youth. But soon after, I had to leave and on the day that I was going to give my farewells, I first heard that song. It was both a joyful hope and a call to accountability that has guided my footsteps all these years.

I'm a mother now, on top of still serving the ministry in what capacity I can. The lyrics, when I listen to them now, have become richer and deeper and more profound and I have not ceased to thank the Lord for using people, places, instances and even music to bring us home to Him.

May all who come behind us find us faithful!

Have a good one and God bless everyone!

My Portion Forever

I was feeling a little down this morning because, hello, I've been suffering from the flu since Friday night. I refused to let it drag me down, so, armed with pure willpower, I got up two hours later than I was supposed to but still found the time to do a one-mile walk. 

Willpower alone doesn't work. Not really. 

But on I trudged and pushed and thrust ever forward. I had heard earlier that Mom wasn't feeling well and, normally, I found the distance between my house and hers a pleasant walk. But not today. It was long and arduous. But I kept telling myself every once in a while as I kept a smiling face firmly pasted on, "Life is about relationships. No money, no fame, no adulation in this world can replace these moments where you can truly say that you are 'labouring out of love' for the object of your affections." Mom was the object of my affection at that moment; it was a labor of love that only I and the Lord knew (and you) and I was determined to go through with it.

To cut the long story short, after comforting Mom, I proceeded to work and I found myself dragging my feet yet again. Here I was, sick in body and sick to the heart as well. Even at work, I had no respite to look forward to as I still had a sort-of-axe-to-grind with one of my office mates who desperately needed to learn respect.

In the fewest words possible, it is this: I was feeling down.

The Bible had these words to say to me this morning:

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall,

I will remember them, and my soul is downcast within me,

yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope;

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness,

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; 

therefore I will wait for him." (Lamentations 3:19-24)

Oh, how refreshing! How invigorating! It was like a tall, tall, tall glass of chilled water in the midst of a barren desert, after a whole day and night of wandering in it!

Why fret, AJ? The Lord is your portion! His love and compassion, unlike your affection and energy, AJ, don't run out! They are new every morning and they are free to all those who ask! Just ask!

I know all that self-talk looks a little weird in print and believe me, I seldom allow myself to do that. But this comes to mind: who among us has NOT felt out-of-sorts despite our best intentions? None, I'd dare wager. And for the best among us, we go through a lot of self-talk to encourage ourselves and employ so many different techniques just so we can motivate ourselves enough to keep on picking our feet up so we can move ever forward. All that is good. But what's even better? Before all that, during all that and even after all that, there is God.

There is God.

Just three words and yet, the significance of those words is enough to grip the universe into theological discussions, into scientific turmoils and on to spiritual pilgrimages. 

There is God. And my heart is glad.

My personal prayer:

Abba God,

There are so many reasons for us to keep on fighting when we are down. We have dreams, goals, causes and loved ones. Any of those, in one form or another, can be more than enough to make us pick up our feet and drag ourselves ever onward, ever forward.

But, Lord, even the strongest of human spirits has its failings. Even the staunchest of us sometimes stumble and fall. Whether we find ourselves looking to You before, during or after we've been pushed down, what matters is that we do. Ideally, we should always look to You first, but with our humanity ever before us, this has become, admittedly, a rarity rather than the rule. And yet, how cool is that "...Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness..." 

Thank you, Lord, for being our portion forever. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Just Another Day

There is no such thing as an extra special writer by virtue of extra special knowledge from an extra secret source. We writers differ in what we write simply because we differ. Different backgrounds. Different creeds. Different experiences.

We have the power to choose, however. We always do.

I had this professor who would often proclaim these two statements like a mantra all throughout the semester:

Slap seven people and, most likely, not one will react the same. Why? Because values are reflected in our reactions.

You always have a choice in what you value. Make those choices a thoughtless habit.

That's a tall order, nonetheless. Being thoughtful about what we eventually want to be thoughtless about. Being so picky about what we feed our minds and souls so that, at 'the moment of truth,' so to speak, we bring honor not just to ourselves but to all those institutions we end up representing: our families, our schools, our workplace, our country, our church, our political leanings, our advocacies, so on and so forth. I, myself, find myself yearning for a moment of respite, once in a while, especially when every moment of every day just seems to be unceasingly momentous. 

I find myself asking, "Does this moment really have to matter?"

Well, does it?

It does. Wouldn't it be awfully tiring, living that way? It doesn't have to be. How? We just need to keep it real... and have fun!

My personal prayer:

Abba God, 

There isn't a single moment that doesn't count, yet, thinking this way can be really tiring. Lord, keep my heart grateful at all times. Remind me that, however mind-boggling my situation may be to me right now, there will always be a multitude of people out there who would gladly trade places with me. Remind me that, however little my contribution to my own little world may be to me, there will always be a multitude of people out there who will honestly be blessed by what I have tried to do with my utmost best... and well... blessed by me just being me! 

Today may just be another day to me. But not to Thee. In Jesus' name. Amen.